Why love marriage is not a popular option in India?

There are discussions going on whether Love Marriage or Arranged Marriage is good for Indians. I would like to argue that there is no such choice in India, for freedom of choice in marriage is curtailed there and equality compromised. I concentrate on -race, caste and gender- to argue out my point.(This is a revised version of my post I submitted for the Indiblogger Sony Contest-Love marriage or arranged marriage) contest

 Freedom to love

‘Ruptures in Periyar’ : My entry for the Get Published contest’

‘Ruptures in Periyar’ : My entry for the Get Published contest’

The Idea: My story tells the love affair of a young Kerala girl. From childhood on, she has experienced life only in black and white; her conservative home for generations has maintained a closed worldview. Anyway, in that, her family is not alone. The vast majority in the land lives in the self-defined captivity of caste, colour, race, gender and region. Yet they are a people noted for their economic ambitions; the contemporary call of Globalism has augmented these.  The situation warrants the females to come out of their confined spaces.  My heroine in the story also did the same.  After education, she took up employment in a far away town. However, life there was nothing as she had expected it to be.  There the unthinkable happened, she fell in love with a man; with whose dreams she added up her own to have a massive one.  In the hues of that massive one were crumbled the long embedded black and white shades of her own.  Then what happened? 

My story inspiration

Concept :Real love in New India

Formulate your Idea
Write a blog post on the idea of the story you wish to write. Tell us what inspires you to write this story and what it means to you.

My inspiration for the story

Indian films generally portray love as something individuals take to easily; just a visual attraction is enough to start a love affair between a man a woman, as time passes by, some stereotypical hurdles pop up between them which are finally resolved through means normal humans cannot even think of resorting to -violent encounters and shameless scheming- then all ends up in an extravagant marriage with signing and dancing. 

But in real life, love has no comparison to this kind of screen portrayal; it does not happen in such a frivolous easy-going manner, if at all it happens.  It does not mean that love is unimportant in life; it is one of the most fundamentals to it, actually it can resolve a whole lot of problems humanity is deeply immersed in presently.  Then why such a fundamental thing does not come by easily?  Reasons stem from many factors. 

I have been living between India and overseas (now in South Africa) for many years.  This has placed me in the most privileged position, in my understanding, to see India from far beyond its boundaries or to have a telescopic view of it and its people, myself included.  

India is a place that has a multifaceted existence because of its diverse religions, tradition, politics and culture. This diversity can play influential roles to make its people understand how they are connected to each other as part of a big nation. Instead, it causes only disconnections, segregatipon or separation between them.  Or they are there simply to establish their own monopolies and so undermine the possible common thread behind societies.  This is contrary to what happens in other democratically formed nations or at least what they try to achieve. 

On top, these factors have their own institutions and bylaws. Marriage is an area they have an easy ride; it is simply an arrangement in which a man and a woman live together following these bylaws; the laws of caste, culture and religion and not their heart or brain.  In actual fact, it is a means to control their life and economy.  The system is so powerful that anybody objects it  gets doomed.  Love is the last requirement in marriage, it is often confused with sex, wealth, power etc.  If a couple has managed a few kids, that is enough,  but what happens to their future when brought up in love-less relationships is nobody's business.  Nobody bothers that increasing unrest and behavioral problems among the youth, which is carried over until the end of their life, are among other things, the direct consequences of such relationships.  In the absence of love and care marriages are ending up in divorces faster than they are divined.

It does not mean that, in the absence of traditional restrictions alone love comes by very easily.  If so, in countries where individuals are less controlled by tradition and enjoy freedom there would not have been any divorce among lovers or couples.  This is not the case.

Failed love and failed marriages tell stories of problems that come from within the individuals that work against love.  Ego, competition; lack of co-operation, communication, connection and problem solving skills, bad decision-making etc., prevent one from finding love in relationship and marriage.

Again one cannot think about love in India, without considering the forces of reforms brought along by globalisation.  It has put the nation on a pedestal of economic progression and development, no doubt.

But globalisation and liberalisation as many think there, are not for economic changes-getting high salaries in the IT sector and more employment- alone.  They demand a liberalistic and humanistic mindset for the people. Here the tradition needs to take a cut to redefine what is India in the new philosophical context of globalism. One of the most important prerequisite to that is individual finding freedom to take decision on matters regarding to his or her own life.

But what is happening there is seemingly the opposite. Anybody taking interest in individual freedom is seen as the enemy of tradition and hence the enemy of family, state and the nation at large.  Instances of them being dealt with in the cruel and harsh fashions is nothing new;  these days they are creating sensations in the media, both conventional and social.  Honour killing and love Jihad has become a facet of the Indian life, cutting across all classes and races.  It is scary that even the modern state and national machineries -the police, law and order, justice system, and governments- and the families support these cruel practices in one way or the other. 

And one state that has the worst practices of similar kind is Kerala, though it boasts of many developmental indicators. 

My story

My story is a story of transformation of hope and change; how a Kerala girl, born and brought up overseas finds love after defeating all odds caused directly or indirectly by the above mentioned factors. Life is full of challenges for her; in childhood she suffers her mother being abused by her father and his family, she being seen as an obstacle to their selfish and greedy ends. By tradition a lady has no voice in her in-laws family, but her mother believes that nobody should be unfair to anybody. Her father, who is also a victim of his own family tradition, does not see it happening until very late and by that time he has done all damages to himself and his own family by making all wrong decisions.  

Indiblogger get published

 This is my entry for the HarperCollins–IndiBlogger Get Published contest, which is run with inputs from Yashodhara Lal and HarperCollins India.

 If you like this story idea please go to  http://www.indiblogger.in/getpublished/idea/214/ 
and click on the 'like' button.  Your click matters a lot. Thanks a lot for your appreciation.

Actress delivers before the camera- a 'new reality -as-entertainment'.

 Swetha menon one of the leading actresses in the Indian film industry, former runner-up to miss India and hailing from Kerala hit the jackpot when she delivered her first child, a girl, under the glare of three cameras in the afternoon hours of September 28. The cameras that rolled in the forty five minutes-between the actress was admitted to the labour room and done the delivery-at the Nanavathi Nursing Home, Mumbai , and

Snow white and shiny-No more soaking

'Ma what is wrong with my uniform?',  Nallu called out from her bedroom.
 ‘What is the problem?’, her mother Madhavi was busy in the kitchen.
‘It is not fresh’
‘What you mean not fresh, I washed it only yesterday’
‘Look, its not white anymore.  Seems you have not washed it at all’
‘The other day, our teacher told I should buy a set of new uniform or this should be washed well’.  Nallu came to the kitchen to show her mother what she was talking about.

The 'Just Married, Please Excuse' Contest

That was my first get-together party in a foreign land, just two weeks after I had joined my husband ,who had left me two weeks after our marriage. That knowing each other stage in an arranged marriage that turns butterflies in to your stomach at the turn of every event, most females reading this, I hope, are familiar with.  And on top of that was  the turmoil and the nervousness of how to make that first public appearance as an important person- until marriage a girl is unimportant in the Indian culture-  Now things are changing I know.  Says like, first appearance is the best appearance; in what you do for the first time is concealed the destiny of your entire life; if the first thing you see on a day is not auspicious you will be riddled with misfortunes for the entire day began to ring in my ears from nowhere.  Oh those crazy Indian concepts that are intended to saddle you to the tradition are amazing.

Girls, love with your brain too

 You see a man. He looks back at you, an instinctual attraction develops between the two. You wonder, who he is. He too wants to know, who you are, you asks for his phone number or e-mail or the other way round.  There starts a romantic communication between the two at the end of which he invites you for a meeting or you invite him. Everything happens so easily.  

For Shrien Diwany, days are closing in

It is time for an update on Ani Diwani's murder case about which I wrote a post  exactly one year ago in August 2011. 
The case in summary: A young Indian bride Anni Dewani's body was found in the morning of November 14, 2010, at Khayelitsha a township near Cape town in the vehicle she had boarded the previous evening with her husband Shrien Dewani on their honey moon trip to South Africa. The cas has sparked a huge public interest in South Africa as well as internationally.

Communication, Commitment and Connection- Love Marriage ya Arranged marriage

‘Transit passengers this way', a man in uniform  rerouted us to an elevator. I smiled on at the relief of getting over the usual transit course.  After two long steep elevators we were at the Customs.  Dubai Customs always try something new for the sake of security. That time the male passengers had to pull their belt and shoes for screening.  Naveen pulled a face, I could see him being uneasy. Jyothi was asked to drop her tiny pair of scissors into the airport waste bag.  No pleading from her made the stony faced lady officer change her mind.   

Vedic vs vidic weddings

Last week I posted about the 'Pagan roots of Christian Weddings', to show how conquering Christians discredited Pagan wedding customs as primitive and uncivilized while the same customs they used as their own. As a result many modern christian ceremonies are polished versions of Pagan customs.  For the people, it created a sense of loss in their history.  

Pagan roots of Christian Weddings

Are our contemporary social customs and practices the exclusive creations of established religions'? To put it in another way, were our ancestors, in the pre-religious era primitive and uncivilized, that they followed no social customs and rituals?

Gillian Markson dig out the pagan traditions behind the modern church weddings.  

Ban of Triple Talaq in India and concerns over uniform civil code.

Image taken from : http://zululandobserver.co.za/afp/298557/india-ruling-highlights-disputed-muslim-instant-divorce India&...